Genius heavyweight metallic mash-up

The Americans sure knew how to name toys. We, to be honest, didn’t. So, while this boxing automaton chestnut went under one of the best names for any game, or indeed any thing, ever, in the ‘States¹, the rather rarer British version was renamed… Raving Bonkers Fighting Robots. Quite.

This un-American activity came courtesy, appropriately enough, of Marx Toys Ltd., who, aside from seemingly employing the cast of Whack-o! in their marketing division, did actually do a neat enough job of making the toy over here. Within a sturdy boxing ring, two square-jawed robots (named, in the English version, Biffer Bonker and Basher Bonker, but let’s not dwell on it) rounded on each other by means of an initially hard-to-master combination of two under-ring levers, and laid into their opponents with button-fired “rocking, dodging, punching action”.

Embarrassing ads further encouraged the use of “deadly Jupiter Jabs” and “astro punches” in progressive pugilistic bouts although we should point out these are not recognised under the Queensbury Rules². Bobbing and weaving were virtually non-existent. A successful knockout - not always following a connected punch thanks to Marx’s overly delicate engineering - was signalled by the losing robot’s head flying up on a ratchet. The resultant “zing” remains one of our most cherished childhood sounds.

The late ‘70s Star Wars-demanded makeover (because clearly just being robots wasn’t sci-fi enough) resulted in Clash Of The Cosmic Robots, to all intents and purposes the same game but with streamlined looking combatants and - allegedly in some editions - a bit of crude, “sampled” surrender dialogue. Given the sheer bloody British politeness of it all, we presume our version went “By Jingo, sir! You’ve bally well got me in the seven-and-nines and no mistake! Care for a bun?”.

Rock ‘Em Sock ‘Em Robots is still available today courtesy of Mattel and, in an astounding lazy-comedy-endorsing move, is actually smaller than the original. Nevertheless, in the absence of actual prizefighting robots taking to the ring for our entertainment (why do you always let us down so, boffins!?), these red and blue Raging Bulls will have to make do. They are, incidentally, also really easy-to-make costumes for fancy dress parties.