Spring roll

Originally invented in the ’Forties by maritime engineer Richard James, who later disappeared to become a preacher with a Bolivian religious cult (not to be confused with Richey James, the ex-Manic Street Preacher, who just disappeared), the Slinky was eighty feet of flat steel wire machine-wound into a short column of 98 coils. In its heyday in the ‘States (during the ‘60s when a catchy ad sent sales spiralling), there were Slinky dogs, Slinky trains and those eye-ball goggles with Slinky specs.

Back in boring old Britain, we were similarly attracted to this big loose spring, although the brand name original never seemed to arrive in our Christmas stockings. Say hello instead to the Merit Springer, Magic Spiral, Rainbow Coil and a thousand other patent-infringing copies just waiting to be tangled to buggery by Cream era kids. Worse still, there was a plastic version that didn’t even behave like a Slinky. One of the hidden secrets of the metal original was, that, when dangled full-length and held to the ear, wobbling it about would recreate the laser blast sound effects from your favourite sci-fi films¹.

Ultimately, though, all Slinkies suffered a fatal calamity, whether it be through accidental treading-on, over-optimistic stretching or rust. A bent Slinky, like Prince Naseem Hamid, is never going to get back into shape. Thus the career of this mortal coil would come to an end at the back of the wardrobe. Isn’t that where they always wound up? Or down.